Now, I'm not sure how he thought I was going to carry this advice out... Trickery, hypnotism, rape--I assured him none of those were my intentions and that I'd want him to be just as excited as I am through the whole process (or else).
Regardless, the conversation left a bad taste in my mouth and I couldn't work up the energy to think of anything worth posting without fearing his reaction if he happened to read again. Great... now his reading is effecting my posting! I hate the feeling of having to censor my blog. I really try to do my best to keep things in my perspective, and keep his opinions and views out of it. Ok, so occasionally I go off on a rant, it happens. And at least I'm finding comfort from other people who are/have experienced the same thing.
I considered making my blog private for awhile, to subscribers, but I think the limit is 100.. A bittersweet blessing?
I guess he's mostly worried about people we know reading my blog... I can understand that, except 99% of people who read my blog don't really know me, and I'm not one who really cares what people think of me if they do. BUT I know a few of his family members read this blog. So if you're in my husband's family and reading this can you do me a favor and pretend like you don't? I mean, you can comment here or what not, but don't ask me about it at the family reunion ok?... At least not in front of the hubs.
The discussion that started this all was husbands... Do it with 'em, or without 'em? One of my friends asked a similar question: "One common consensus on here, though, seems to be not to wait for your husband to be ready?? I am just a little bit curious about it...I don't know why it caught me so off guard, but I definitely don't want to get pregnant if my husband isn't as ecstatic as me to be on this journey. Maybe these are too high of expectations... Just curious :) "
Becky, I'm with ya. I hope my husband is as excited as I am when it's time to try to have a baby, and I'm not planning on tricking it out of him (which I'm not saying they're suggesting) however, since I'm already going to Hell, I decided I'd write up a plan... My demise... And a every woman's guide to getting your hubby to get you pregnant... And what I would do if it was necessary to convince my husband to get on the bandwagon.
(And after reading a few comments and realizing some people took this seriously, let me just make a little disclaimer that this is totally a joke!) :)
First, make sure this is what you want, because once you convince him, if you change your mind, it could take a lot more than this to get him to believe you again. If a baby--Poop, spit, snot and all is really what you want, proceed to step 2.2. Babysit together... But don't accept offers from people with bad, annoying, or loud kids. That'll scare him away. The ideal situation would be to babysit a baby who sleeps a lot, and when it's not sleeping, it's laughing and cooing at you. Then tell him that's how good your kids will be. (PS: pictured is my husband holding the very well behaved baby we now babysit twice a week.)
3. Get a dog, or some sort of pet, let him fall in love with it then say you're allergic and give it away. It's sad, but there's tough love in the game of love and war... And in that time of mourning is the perfect time to say "well, maybe a dog just wasn't the right move for us, and it's time for a real child."
4. Watch sports with your husband. Get all into it and tell him how fun it'll be when your little boys are old enough to play sports... Shoot, they aren't even conceived, better get going!
5. When moments present themselves, and you spot a cute family you think you'll resemble, or a kid's outfit he could see his child wearing, point it out to him. Don't over-do it, just nudge him and peer in the direction of the bait. He'll get the hint. WARNING: Don't do this too often or it could get annoying.
6. When he notices a cute family or comments about his dreams for children on his own, stay calm. Don't freak out, your over-excitement may just scare him out of the thought. Keep your cool and when the timing is right, tell him how you'd love that too.
7. Get all dolled up for him, let him have the remote, make him a nice dinner, and give him the night of his life. At the end of a long tiring but wonderful night when you're about to go to sleep, tell him how fun it will be when you're trying for a baby, and how it will be that much fun every night.
8. At church, let him catch you staring at little kids. Don't stare too long, or you'll look like a stalker, just long enough and with the nicest smile so that he knows, whether he likes it or not, that's what you want more than anything.
9. Hire outside enforcements. A couple he would look up to, but is in a worse situation than you financially. Make friends with them, then let them drop the bomb on you guys and tell you they're pregnant and share how excited they are with you. It may not work the first time, but after about the 3rd or 4th couple it's sure to strike a chord. This especially works with best friend couples with good babies, so you may have to invest some time and research.
10.Turn he tables. Halt everything you've been doing, and all of the positive vibes toward kids. Tell him you change your mind, you're not sure when you want to have kids and that maybe you two should wait awhile. He'll wonder why your mind has changed and it'll bring the idea of kids to the front of his mind. Then he'll always be the one bringing up the topic. That's when you POUNCE! Catch him while he's down and jump on his team, agree with him and he'll think the whole idea was his!
Got any others?
And FYI, if I don't post for a few days after this, send a search crew. My husband found it and I am dead.
33 remarks:
ha ha ha SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT IT FIGURED OUT! I can't say I know the feeling since HUBS was the first one to say lets have a kid... and then pushed me to have another... HA HA, good luck!
I can't believe anyone would even suggest to get pregnant without your husband being ready and wanting it as much as you do! That would be a horrible thing...
I like your ideas of convincing him he IS ready though :o) Very well thought out!
Thank you for stopping bye http://www.a-a-photography.com/blog. I voted for you good luck on the bloggers choice awards.
*scribbles notes down furiously to convince hubby*
I'm not really with the idea that you should get pregnant whether your husband wants to or not. Although I do think if you really want that baby and he isn't really on board, there's nothing wrong with talking about it. Let him know how you feel. Tell him you're both in this together. Find out what his worries are. It's always nice when we listen to them.
Ha! #3
I can understand what you mean when you say "even if he's not on board". At the rate my husband is going I don't think he will ever be "ready". I know he's afraid of messing up our children...which IMO will never happen. I however would never stop taking my birth control without telling him. When that time comes I will tell him that I'm not taking the pill anymore and if he really doesn't want a kid just yet then it's up to him to use a condom. I think however that when I'm ready he'll be ok with it. The nice thing about moving is that all his new buddies are older and some have kids. One even just had a new baby about a month ago. I'm guessing he talked about it with his buddies, at least I hope so. So basically I don't think my hubby will ever be ready for a baby but I know when we have our first it will be a mutual decision.
Haha...great plan :-). I'm definitely all about having hubby on board before trying to conceive. If he's truly not ready and baby shows up, then that can have its own detrimental affects emotionally and so on.
Now there's a difference though between truly not being ready or wanting kids and willing to consider the idea. I don't see anything wrong with discussing desires for children and even orchestrating situations in which hubby would be exposed to the joys of fatherhood. This should definitely be done with a knowledge of your husband and how he will take the promptings. You definitely don't want to be annoying, naggy, or turn him off to the idea of kiddies.
Your idea of making him think that the idea was his is key. Help him to feel empowered in the baby making decision. This works in so many other situations, why not baby making too.
I agree with the "being open to the idea" philosophy. Some men will never get to 100%, Mine was one of them. After much prayer (on my part), he was finally open enough to the idea to talk about it and try.
You're ideas are hilarious. Here's hoping they work. . . but only if you want them to. :)
I was wondering where you went?! I had a similar experience...read my one and only post on my personal blog Pieces of Reese (Seven Year Itch)...My husband wasn't ready until after 8 years of marriage...8 frickin' years! All I can say is that I am glad that I prayed for (and God bestowed upon me) the patience to wait for my husband to get on the baby bandwagon. I never pushed him. For women, we are just ready whether it's planned or a surprising accident. For men, all they think about is the responsibilities of a baby (money, time, money). So, we waited until he lined up all our family ducks (savings, grad school, good job, bigger house). Now we are expecting, I love they way DH is so involved from going to all the doctor's appointments to posting on the baby blog. It's like he can enjoy it because he knows he can be a provider financially and emotionally.
Jenn, You make me laugh.
When dh and I got married, we had agreed - NO kids. He's a bit older than I am and wanted more security in future retirement, etc. I had really never wanted kids so it was no big deal to me. My sister was a single mom at 23 (they separated during her pregnancy) and it looked like having kids was waaaay too hard.
So now I have two kids and we're talking about maybe a third. Somewhere around 26 or 27 I started to want a baby. I don't know why, and I felt a lot like you post: I want one now. Maybe later. Is later an option? Hmmm...
When we talked about it, dh came right out and said- "You know, you change your mind about a lot of things. What if you change your mind about this?" (And this is soo true about me!) So we agreed to talk about it again in a year. He said that if I wanted to have a baby consistently for a year, he'd be willing to really consider it. And I knew for sure that I didn't want a baby at the expense of my marriage. (A big reason I wanted a baby was because I wanted to share the experience with him!)
I can't say honestly I wanted a baby every single day for that year. And I didn't tell him when I was uncertain. I did keep track of my overall desire. And I really did still want to have a baby at the end of that year.
We're praying and waiting a bit about the possible third baby. I'm not quite ready to commit and neither is he. But I know together we'll find the answer that fits us best. And so will you two. :-)
LOL @ #7. It might be fun the first few nights, but somewhere in the trying, the sex becomes WAY unsexy. The main objective, especially when you KNOW you're ovulating, is to get his stuff in there and stand on your head. LOL It gets to be a bit mechanical...
That's the funny thing about writing in public... people read it. The first blog I ever kept was on somethig like Xanga, and I thought it was just for a few key friends-- until my older half-sister commented one day saying she liked it and asking me not to post anything specific about her children online for privacy reasons.
I've got it a little easier now since, now that I'm going a travel blog, a lot of the people I post about don't speak English, but I still have to be careful.
Just not TOO careful.
Girl, you are FUNNY! All of those are great suggestions. I also think it's fun to bring up names you like. Gets them thinking and envisioning their Mini-Me a little bit.
Ok, im done taking notes now, lol.
But yea, ive pretty much done all those tips except #2 (unfortunately, he's not gonna go for babysitting and we dont have anyone to babysit for), #3 (i really want a puppy, so i doubt I would give it up after I got it lol), and #7 (cause he knows baby making means lots of sex).
I think hubby is pretty much convinced, cause whenever he plays video games (he's an Xbox head), he always names the characters he makes after the names we've picked out for our children (mostly the boys lol). Cute, huh? lol
I think that once we get past our 5th anniversary (which is this August) and our financials get better (working on that now), he'll be all ready to go.
But how come Im pathetic cause Ive been praying that his best friend and his wife get pregnant first so that he can see fatherhood up, close and personal so that it can TRULY erase all his fear (but that could backfire cause his best friend could go through somethin really awful and turn hubby totally off, eek!). As of right now, they aren't pregnant, but to be fair, they've only been married a year now, lol.
I most particularly hate the one with the pet because animals have feelings too and suppose it gets attached to you and then you get rid of it...are you trying to be cruel? Hopefully not and if that is what it takes to have a baby then it makes no sense if you have to force him. He certainly has his reasons for doing so, so instead of trying to convince him i'd try to find the root cause as to why he doesnt want a baby...and then work from there. Animals are a great blessing so if your reading that tip, discard it at once...Good luck otherwise trying to convince him...
Good Luck, we have an 18 month old (she was a surprise) and sometimes I feel like I am still trying to convince him that we want a baby, even though we have our one and only.
OK, this post did it, just when I told myself I can't possibly follow another blog I read this hilarious post and I just had too so I can come back for more! I get your sense of humor and took it for the funny post it was meant to be. Nobody loves animals more than me and I still thought the tip about giving him a dog then giving it away was too funny! Some people are just too serious!
OMG, I laughed so hard I almost peed. Then I read some of the comments that took it too seriously and started laughing all over again. If only there was a way to make a man want a baby but the cold hard truth is there isn't. They come around when they are ready and not a minute before. But anyways great blog so funny.
I wish there was a way... I've wanted a baby with my husband waaaayyy before we got married. He has always known that it was something I wanted, and that I didn't want to wait forever. We have been together for 4 years, and married for almost one- but everytime I bring up kids he starts saying that we will never be able to go out and have fun if we have a baby. This seems so selfish to me... he doesn't care about how much it would mean to me to be a mother, but he cares about being able to go to the movies?? It doesn't seem fair to keep me from what I want more than anything so that we can "have fun."
You are so funny, well done! Seems to have worked for you. ;)
Well, please help me out some1..... I'm not married been living together for 2years, am pregnant, he didn't want to have the baby initially then I convinced him till he spoke to his parents abt marriage & again chickened out, I really want to have this baby else it will be my third abortion, tell me how to convince him
Yeah... none of those would work on my husband. My husband and I did a pros and cons conversation and his pros were "you would get the baby you keep asking for" cons "anything else." He's a sweet man but a stubborn dork. He also says stuff about how when he was a kid his older brother constantly got him in trouble and he wouldn't want that on our second child since our first is too smart for her own good.
#22 if you want to have a baby have one. If he can't love you and this child he's probably not worth it. Prob not the best advice but I know several women who have gotten pregnant and made a decision to choose the child over the man and were happy about it. If I got pregnant and my husband wanted me to have an abortion I'd say no and if he wanted to leave because of said child then he wouldn't be worth it.
My hubby and I have been married for 4 years and together for 8!! I've wanted to have a baby for over 2 years now, but he thinks he is not ready yet. I am kind of loosing any hope on getting pregnant, and I think I'm going crazy thinking about it every day....there is no way to convinve him. We talk about it almost every day and he does not have any good reason, just that he is not there yet. I don't understand why, we both have great jobs, recently move to a bigger house with an extra bedroom...all his friends have kids and he loves them....there is nothing I wanted more in life right now and nothing that would make me more happy than having a baby....I dont think this tips would make a difference, I've done it all and he is clearly NOT there!! :(
If I tried any of these my other half would know what I was trying to do.
All I get from him is that I'm "emotionally blackmailing" him.
Well I'm sorry but it upsets me, and he just expects me to sit there and put up with it :/
Its a closed book.
And there's all these things I still want to say to him about it but I can't, cause he gets defensive and I get upset.
Vicious circle here.
I love your advice! My husband & i have been married for 3 1/2 years now & i have wanted a baby from day 1. He has said from the very begining he wanted to wait 5 years, i was always curious "why 5 years"? we have our own business, a house & great jobs. I asked him the other day why 5 years, he simply replied "i just pulled a # out of my ass". So i brought it up again & he said he wants to wait 2 more years (not giving me a reason). I want to pull my hair out everytime i think about it because it doesnt make sense to me. His niece & nephew are the BEST kids anyone could hope for & we watch them all the time. I am off my pill now (he knows) but we dont do anything to prevent getting pregnant so maybe he is just trying to play hard to get?
Omg, I wish this wasn't a joke! My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 2. I'm 23 and he'll be 26 next month. I work with babies at a child development center and everyday at work just reaffirms for me that I want to be a mother. My husband is very family-oriented, but he is so afraid of not being able to be a good provider.
I think it's mostly a difference in our childhood, I was an army brat, my mom didn't really work until my younger sister started kindergarten, even then she only had part time jobs until my younger sister was in middle school. So we never had a lot of money, but I never really noticed. We still got video games and toys for Christmas. My husband's childhood, on the other hand was a little different. Both his parents made about $60k each until he was 8 and they got divorced. His father all but vanished, but his mom still had a good job at a marketing company and he got to go to professional basketball games and concerts with suite seats. (spoiled)
So I just realized today that the reason he is so opposed to having a baby now is that he wants our kids to be able to have all the same things he did. I understand his feelings, but I just don't agree. I can't figure out a way to convince my husband that it isn't necessary to have all that to have a baby. I'll be pregnant for 10 months! It seems like enough time to budget and save.
SO I am a mother of 2 kids. I have met the man of my dreams and from the start of the relationship he talked about babies and freaked me out. I already have to much I thought...so I brushed it off and well then came a opps. I got prego and it was me being a freak bout being prego that it made my hubby now of 8months like so scared. I was stupid and thought abortion was the answere and well now more than ever do i wish I could go back and change what I did. I want what i could of had and now he don't and i don't know how to change it. I got on birth control beacuse I want it to be a mutual thing. I am having irreagular periods now and I asked him point blank like 3 weeks ago what did i do that made you not want a baby with me? He said do you know how many times I herd forever like our marriage wont last. I mean omg this isn't the man I fell for. He is awesome with my kids. He said why do you want one for? I said because I want to complete our family and show what it is like to fall in love with something before you see it and become a real father instead of just that stepdad. He finally said well I dont want one now. So i said ok then lets just say baby maybe....well i want it now lol!!! I made it up in my mind since he wants a baby later and well the birht control is messing me all up just get off of it and tell him I am getting off the birth control and please can we work on it now so then i can get fixed. I don't want to push him over board. but I am in baby fever badly!!! I want this sooooo bad. and I am also on a time limit because I found out I have back problems and well I am to young to get it fixed they wont touch me they say i am to young. But to make it short i really got bout 5 yrs tops. I don't want to wait till i am in so much pain i wont be able to have one. so anybody with advise to help me explain to my hubby why it is good to have one now instead of later let me know. Thanx
Hmm, I noticed that taking in your 8 month pregnant, 19 year old employee and her baby-daddy is NOT on this list. Oh well, at least I'm helping them. But I want one of my OWN!!! :-)
I turned the table and told my hubby that I was not ready for children. Sure enough he wondered why and said that he really wanted a baby and thought it was his idea all along. We're now trying :)
My husband clearly said that he does not want a baby with me till the time the issues between me and his mom are resolved. I am gonna be 29 this december and he is 31 .... we are married since 2 yrs. I dont think any ideas from above are gonna work.... although i am trying the 'i dont want a baby anymore with u either' from a few months......and i think he once replied saying we'll see about that. Also, he knows me well and is sure that i love babies and would want them any moment he is ready.
This made me giggle. That is all.
Actually that's the way my parents did it. My dad was never ready. He was scared and hard to convince. So my mom said at one point "I'm off te pill" and he was ok with it. Obviously he didn't use a condom lol and soon they were happily pregnant with a boy. My older brother. Now they have four kids and have been married for 25 years next month.
One bit of advice tho... My dad was super scared to even hold my brother for the first few days. He was afraid he would let him fall or accidentally hold too tight... So I would make sure your hubbie has held a baby a few times and at least feels comfortable with it. Especially a little new born.
Anyway. Good luck
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