I Don't Know Why I Do This to Myself

It started about a year or so ago when I found a website called Make Me Babies. A friend of mine had used it to see what her soon-to-be baby would look like. Hers didn't come out looking particularly cute according to the website but ya know... We all can't get lucky with cute kids.
So I decided to take a stab at it myself. I'm no supermodel or anything but I like to think my husband and I aren't BAD looking, and I married him thinking we'd probably make cute babies. So imagine my surprise when the face generator produced THIS as our child:While funny, at the same time it wasn't. How could my baby come out white, with stringy hair and lopsided cheeks? I won't go on with my opinion of this face cause I have a feeling someone out there may have a baby that looks exactly like this. In my opinion it just didn't fit with US. So I retired my desire to know what software generators thought our future baby may look like... Until today. And I'm not gonna lie, I went a little crazy.

First, it produced this child. My husband did have red hair as a baby... A fear I have passing down to our child. I've seen some CUTE biracial read heads, but if it looked like this, I may cry.

So I didn't give up. I had to try again, and not only that, but see if we could produce a non-white baby. No such luck.The lower one sorta looks like a son of the Adam's Family Chester guy, YIKES! Then I gave up with letting the site decide my child's complexion and I told it to make my baby "dark" so it gave me this:Notice how I keep changing our pictures hoping we'll get lucky? And where are they getting the big forehead from? Be honest... Is mine that big? Cause I was seeing a trend.And just before I decided to give it up entirely... Realizing I was 0-7 (and knowing there's NO WAY we're having even close to 7 kids), I decided to give it one... Ok, TWO more tries before giving it up.
Slightly better, but I hope my kids are cuter. I'm going to be honest here... I would like a baby girl but really all I want is 1. A healthy baby and 2. A cute baby. Boy or girl, if Spawnie is cute (not just to me, but like to everyone) I'll be happy!

What do you think? Does Spawnie have a chance at being cute?If you go to the site and make one let me know! Post the link in the comments, I'm wondering if it's possible to produce a good-looking baby on this site.

PS: Sunday is my Blogiversary! I almost forgot! Yay! Happy 1 year blogging!

I Wanna Know!! Boy or Girl?!

I can't wait to find out what Spawnie is. I've had a couple of dreams about this baby being a girl, which make me think it's a girl. After all, I had a dream about a big fat positive test result just a day or two before I got it!

My husband and both our moms also think Spawnie is a girl. But there are a few things that make me think maybe not. I got really bored and took just about every online baby gender prediction test I could find.

For one... The Chinese Lunar Calendar. I almost sweat by it. Tell me, look at it... Was it right for you? It has been right for my moms kids I think, as well as several of my friends.

I'm not sure if Spawnie was conceived in September or October (it could be either) but both give me the blue result which = BOY.

Then there's Old Wives Tales. I took a quiz on Childbirth.org And it gave me this result: BOYAnother one on BabyGenderPrediction.com with some similar questions ALMOST said girl, but the last five questions pushed it the other way: BOY.I found another on BabyGenderPredictionTest.com and got the opposite. This one asked me questions about birth dates and my cravings and what not. Ok I'll be honest, I took it twice and the SECOND time I got this result: GIRL. So one, (or several) of these are right. Know of other fun tests you can try? I'm sorta having fun with this now. All of the sites have a 50/50 chance but it's kind of amusing to guess, and it's especially funny when I'm laughing at myself trying to figure out which answer is more likely to give me the GIRL result.

Of course all I want is a healthy baby but if you couldn't tell, part of me REALLY REALLY wants a girl. I'm so girlie and I can just dress her up in so much cute stuff! Plus, I sorta just FEEL like Spawnie is a girl.

But then again, I kinda feel like Spawnie is a boy when we're at the doctor's office and looking at 'em on the screen. I wish I knew!!

There are a few gender prediction home tests I'm thinking of taking. One I reviewed before and it was right for my friend... Intelligender. Another is an at-home blood DNA test called Pink or Blue. I'll let you know if and when I do one of them.

What about you... Any guesses? I'm thinking of starting a pool thingy but I'm trying to decide on a site to do it through. Know of any good baby pool sites? Here are a few I've found so far:

I've found PregPool.com and it requires people enter $10 to make their guess for gender/due date/ weight etc. Then mom gets a percentage and the winner of the pool gets a percentage (after the site takes 10%, which I DON'T like).

Then there's ExpectNet.com It's free, and the pool is free, all for fun, and I think there's added questions like length and stuff. I like that and that there's space for the couple to write updates about their pregnancy and notes to family and friends.

There's also BabyPool.com it also appears to be free, but not as pretty-looking as ExpectNet to me. Like ExpectNet there's a place to put your registries, photos and notes to family and friends.

I'm not sure if it's polite to ask people to put money in a pool that ultimately goes to you, but at the same time, you usually put some money in a pool. But either way, I think it's mostly for good fun, and maybe we could think of a prize for the winner.

Either way, I added a poll to the left for my blogging friends! So make your vote! I am guessing about 49% chance for a girl 51% chance for a boy myself... Because that's my luck.

Did you know what you were having before you found out?

So Many Things to be Thankful For

I woke up this morning thankful that I didn't have to get up last night to pee. I got to enjoy sleeping in with my handsome hubby. I thought how I'd better enjoy this time we have to sleep in together cause in 8 months or so we'll be joined by a little friend who probably won't give us that chance. It made me stop and think a little while about all I'm thankful for.

I'm grateful for all of the people who work at Golden Corral. If it weren't for them we wouldn't have had such a tasty Thanksgiving meal for the second year in a row.

I'm thankful for Disney movies that always make me smile, and the collection I have that I can't wait to share with my children.

I'm thankful for my Faith, and all that it brings to my family and home.

I'm thankful that even though my emotions are on high alert now, I'm even more in touch with my sensitive side, and am slowing down to notice the beautiful little things in life.

I'm grateful for my job... That I get to do what I love every day--Write. I also am thankful that even though I had to work on Thanksgiving that they provided my second Thanksgiving meal of the day.

I'm thankful for my wonderful husband who does so much for me it's not even funny. We were talking yesterday about how all I have to say is "I'm cold" and he runs to get me a blanket. I can't remember the last time I did the laundry or the dishes. He even drives me to work and picks me up to keep me company. I LOVE this man!

I'm so grateful for our little Spawnie on the way, and for all of the nausea and sleepiness I'm feeling cause it's a good sign that our baby is growing strong.

I'm grateful for my blog giving me a place to release all of my thoughts and feelings regarding pregnancy and motherhood and for all of the great people I've met and gotten to know through blogging.

Happy Thanksgiving!

What are you thankful for?

I've Jumped

Thank you so much for all of your congratulating comments and friendly tips and words. You have no idea how grateful I am for me and how much they lift my spirits. I feel like I need to preface this post a little. This blog has never been your average happy go lucky roses and butterflies blog so I hope my honesty doesn't shock you now.

I know it was no naive of me, but I thought when I finally became pregnant I would have no reason to be sad, upset, jealous. I thought I'd be overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and not have enough room for negative emotions.

I'm so grateful for my blessings. For my health, for my wonderful husband, for our growing baby, for clean water and all of the little things I so often take for granted, but I still worry.

I know part of it is my pregnancy hormones. Every emotion--Good or bad is escalated to the extreme. So my joy, my sadness, my fears, my doubts are all magnified.

I worry about things that haven't even happened... Miscarriage, cesareans, postpartum depression, being a bad mother. I worry about all of the complaints and negativity I've heard. While always tagged with "But it's all worth it," I still worry.

I don't understand how one moment I'm so sure I'm ready and excited and wanting this more than anything and the next I'm terrified by the fact that I'm walking down a path I can't turn back from. I've jumped off the cliff. And to make matters worse... I feel completely horrible and guilty for feeling this way. I know so many women who would give their left ovary for my luck, for my condition, and I wouldn't trade it for the world myself... I'm just terrified out of my wits.

On top of that I feel like my baby can feel my every emotion an read my mind. I hope Spawnie knows I want it more than anything and doesn't dwell on the fact that I'm freaking out every now and then too.

Becoming a wife was one thing. It changed the status of my womanhood to a degree. But becoming a mother is a completely different story. I'm not worried about providing for my family, or loosing my freedom, I'm just scared that it's so permanent. I've never lived with one decision for the rest of my life.

Next month I'll be celebrating five years of marriage. Luckily I have a supportive husband, a solid relationship, a desire to be parents. But it's unreal how quickly my daydreams of "what ifs" and "one day"s became here and nows.

No more picturing what our child will look like. Our child is forming, and whether we like it or not it's already got one of our sets of eyes. I just pray Spawnie isn't developing my mood swings.

There's no turning back now, and while part of me is leaping for joy, another smaller part of me is hiding crouched in the corner, arms wrapped around my knees rocking back and forth wondering what I got myself into.

9 Weeks Pregnant and Getting Fatter!

I swear I get bigger as the day goes on. Last night I was getting undressed and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and GASPED! ...No lie, then I grabbed my stomach.

My iPhone ap said this would happen. The "What to Expect" one. It said this week I should take off my shirt, take a deep breath and look in the mirror! I know a lot of people don't start taking belly pictures until 12 weeks or so but I'm glad I have been. Even with my shirt on you can tell a difference in these pictures. Maybe it's because I was so small to begin with. Or maybe I was just REALLY bloated last night, I dunno.

I ran downstairs to show my husband.

"I've totally got a fat stomach now!" I told him.
"Really, have you been eating a l-- WOAH!" And he grabbed it. See, even he notices!
Here are the changes that happened with Spawnie during my 9th week according to Baby Center:
- Finally starting to look more and more human.
- Spawnie's essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months.
- Spawnie's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form as do tiny teeth.
- The embryonic "tail" is completely gone.
- My baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear.
- The external sex organs are there (Woohoo!) but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks.
- Eyes are fully formed, but Spawnie's eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks.
- Spawnie has tiny earlobes, and mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct.
- The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones and now Spawnie will start gaining a lot of weight.

Going on with me:
- Physically I'm getting bigger
-My nausea is getting worse though I still haven't vomited
- I'm still going through a lot of mood swings though I'm trying to control them better
-I'm ALWAYS craving potatoes:
There were several times this week that I ordered a baked potato along with french fries, then baked more of my own french fries when I came home. Then I bought potato skins... Oh and hash browns. I LOVE potatoes. Always have, but apparently Spawnie does too, which I'm happy about.

I went for a checkup last Tuesday and we didn't get to hear the heartbeat but we saw our baby again. Spawnie was much bigger and the heart was too! Next time, in December we'll get to hear it. My little person didn't want to move for us... I guess it was sleeping. I'm thinking of drinking a Dr. Pepper before the next ultrasound to see if I can get baby to move more. I can't wait to feel the kicking!!I'm so happy because this week, although I have to work on Thanksgiving, I have 4 days off! So I'll be catching up on a lot of rest, and getting Christmas decorations ready to put up. I've NEVER been in a hurry to put up Christmas stuff. In fact, I'm usually annoyed by people who skip Thanksgiving... That's me this year. A few people told me it's nesting, but I didn't think that happened so early.

I'm also still tired all of the time. When I get a break from work I enjoy lounging around and watching TV. Speaking of TV... Tuesday at 10:30am EST I'll have my 2nd MomTV show and I'll be answering your questions from my ask me anything post, and answering any other questions from the chatroom live!

And now... The must awaited photo.. You won't believe your eyes! Were you this big at 9 weeks? I will say... In the morning it's not as big, I think because I sleep on my stomach and back a lot and it flattens it out. By night time I look like this!PS: I forgot to add! At my last dr's appointment I had gained one pound (in 2 weeks) so I think I'm on track?!

To learn more about being 9 weeks pregnant visit Pregnancy Corner. (Sponsored)

I Love Baby Stuff and $50 Giftcard to Baby Laylah Boutique

Wow... I suck lately. But I promise it's not my fault. Really, I'm already learning how to blame things on my child. Spawnie made me do it... Spawnie has been sucking the life out of me... Literally. And I'm just now getting around to writing the post that I had been meaning to post Thursday.

Oh but before I get into cute baby stuff let me tell you... Tuesday I'll be answering your questions from the "Ask me anything" post on my MomTV Show. What I don't answer there I'll type out and post here. I'll also figure out if there's a way for me to embed the show into a post on my blog so you can watch it if you miss it. I'll be LIVE Tuesday at 10:30am EST!

Now on to cute baby stuff. I LOVE looking at it, but I CAN'T STAND not knowing if I should buy the cute little sporty blue shoes, or the adorable flowery pink shoes. It's weird that I even like looking at shoes in the first place cause I HATE shoes. I wear a size 11 and it's nearly impossible to find adorable cute shoes in my size (and I'm praying my feet won't get bigger during pregnancy though I hear that's a symptom).

If I have a girl I want her shoe collection to look like this:They are from Baby Laylah Boutique, and some are as little as $5 a pair!! Cute, AND a bargain!

It's so weird how it could go either way (obviously) and according to the Chinese lunar calendar I rely so much on, it really depends if the DOC was September 31st or October 1st... And it could be either.

I had a dream I was having a girl, and I can't help but think/hope I am, so I'm naturally looking at more girl things, but I can't help but feel a little guilty in case Spawnie is a boy.

Baby Laylah Boutique is a cute little shop with unique and chic fashion for babies and children. Their boy stuff makes me excited to have a boy... In case that's what Spawnie is. I really like this adorable beanie.. Though I must admit I think the cute little boy model is part of the reason I like it. I can't help but wonder if my son would look a little like that. Yes... I tend to shop from people with cute baby models. Hint to companies: Hire biracial and ethnic babies!Same with this cute tutu from the same shop and the kid modeling it.My little girl will have a collection of tutus.. I'm not sure why but I'm obsessed with them. Where do little girls even wear these things anyway? I'm such a girlie girl so I think these things are just the epitome of girlie. The tutu's from this shop start at $15!I've chatted with Danielle, creator, via email a few times. She first got the idea of starting an online boutique when her son Rasean was born. He was born in the month of January (like me, woop!) and living in Wisconsin where it was cold and they spent a lot of time in the house.She spent a lot of time shopping online for unique clothes and special things for him. Last year she and her husband were blessed with a little girl, Laylah Rose. Again, being the shopping mommy that she is spent a lot of time online looking for those one of a kind finds. She especially loves to find things that are unique and will make someone ask "Where did you get that?"

She opened Baby Laylah Boutique to help other people find unique and chic fashion and accessories for their little loved ones and to put a smile on someone's face.
Her favorite thing about what she does is searching for product lines to carry that will make her store unique and different from the rest. "Right now...starting out...a lot of what I have is similar to many other online boutiques..but I am determined to find a niche and make it the online boutique of choice! Even if I have to get crafty myself!" she said.

I know it's crazy but one of the things I REALLY REALLY want to dress my little boy up in is suits, and little girls in dresses (once again, with the girlie thing). I bought one of my friend's little boys a complete suit set when he was first born cause I think it makes them looks so stylish!

I KNOW kids just get it messy, and they grow so fast, but they look SO CUTE all dressed up! I love vests, and ties, and dresses and bows! Oh I can't wait to know what you are Spawnie!

The shop has adorable products for boys and girls, and mom! There are things from diaper bags to tutus to diaper cakes! And there's something in every price range of shoppers. Danielle also is just starting out so be sure to check back to see what designers she's adding.

I'm really jealous about this cause one of you... My lucky readers, will get a chance to win a $50 gift card to Baby Laylah Boutique. Here's how you enter!

Mandatory:
1. Be/become a follower of my blog
2. Visit Baby Laylah Boutique and let me know another item you love from there.

Extra entries:
-Join Baby Laylah Boutique's Mailing list (2 entries)
-Become my Facebook Fan
-Tweet "I just entered @FutureMama's giveaway for a $50 gift card to Baby Layla Boutique http://bit.ly/8drEZp."
-Add my NEW button to your blog!
-Post about this giveaway on your blog.
-Email Subscribe to my blog (don't forget to confirm your email!) OR Subscribe to my blog through one of these feeds (let me know which one in comments).
-Vote for me on Top Baby Blogs (per day/computer) (just click the link)
-Nominate me for Best Pregnancy Blog

Contest ends November 30th at 11:59pm! Good Luck!

Disclaimer: I was not given compensation for doing this giveaway! The feature is based on my own honest opinions of the shop!

*****

Winner of Color Consultation from iBaby Interiors: Commenter #11: Jessie.

What are the Chances?: Baby, er... Fetus Names

It's something I've feared a long while... Giving my baby the most common name in the class. In the fourth grade I remember there being 5 other Jennifer's in the class. That's when I developed the nickname "Jenn" while others were called "Jenny" (a name I refuse to answer to). When it comes to baby names, I'm pretty sure we're covered with unique but classy, cute names. I've only shared them with a select few friends, and I haven't even told my parents.

I thought we had an agreement not to tell anyone... My husband swore me to secrecy but recently told me he told his mom our names. So I'm ALMOST ready to spill the beans myself, but not quite.

I flipped through baby books to see where our top choices fit in the rankings. Neither our boy choice nor the girl choice was listed in the book. Great... They aren't in the top 600! Portions of their names were ranked in the 300s and 500s, but not the full name. I think we're safe... I think our children won't have to face the same fate we did in school unsure every time we heard our name called if it was REALLY us they wanted. No... I think they're safe. But as for my little fetus, it's a different story.

I thought I was somewhat unique by calling my little baby with the unknown gender at the moment Spawn or Spawnie... But my friend from Bellyitch showed me it's on the list of "Popular Fetus Names" on About.com.

1. Cletus the Fetus
2. Bean (and variations jelly bean and baby bean)
3. Spawn
4. Thumper
5. Peanut
6. Bump
7. Spud
8. Baby
9. Octopus
10. Junior

Ok first off.. Who calls their baby Octopus? I know they kind of have little nubs at first, but not eight of them!

But anyway, Spawn, ranked #3, Who would have thought? Granted the "ie" isn't picked up by most people but I'm still quite surprised so many people decide to call their growing babies Spawn.

I guess I'm not as weird as I thought, but part of me is a little disappointed by that.

Did you have a nickname for your baby before you knew the gender? Or do you have one planned? Is it on the list?

Does your child have a popular name or are you as worried as I am about your child having a very common name?

Ask Me Anything!

I've been meaning to do one of these posts for a long time and I figure with my sleepiness lately this will give me a break from putting my current thoughts down right now, but also be a fun little game!

Ask me whatever in the comments section! Blog related, baby related, random related, whatev! I'll answer your questions later this week in another post! Be nice, have fun!

Also here's a couple of questions for you that you can answer for me in the comments if you want:

1. What's one bit of pregnancy/labor/mommy advice you have?
2. What's your favorite baby sling or wrap? (I'm shopping for one).

PS: My 2nd Doctor's appointment is today (Tuesday)!! So excited and hoping we'll get to hear the heart beat! I'll be 8 days 4 weeks! Wish me luck!

2 Months Down 8 More to Go!

The hormones are BACK! I had an emotional breakdown break for a couple of weeks... No tears, no overly-stressed feeling, but they're back and they're taking a vengeance! My hormones kicked the Mojo out of me. I haven't wanted to blog, have lost the urge to Tweet, and all desire to read baby books.

All of a sudden I'm feeling in a panic and sorta thinking "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" Hopefully this is normal and some hormonal thing or else I'm gonna be left feeling pretty crappy that I'm feeling this way.

Of course I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm grateful, I'm blessed... But I'm also FREAKING OUT. Part of it could be work too. I'm working 8 days in a row followed by one day off... That combined with constant exhaustion is bound to make for some weird emotions. I'm talking feeling ways I've never felt before... More on that later.

My friend @mommyingaround on Twitter showed me this cool picture of what my baby may look like right now. I picture Spawnie being a little darker, but I guess skin pigment comes later. This was some high-tech picture taken and featured in this news article album. When I showed the picture to my husband I half expected him to say something to the effect of "eew" or "scary" but I was instead delighted when he said "Wow, he's that big already?!"

I call Spawnie "she" or "Spawnie" and hubby sometimes jokingly calls our baby a "he" but we both think it's a girl.

But on to my 8-Week check up that I meant to write Friday as I hit 8 weeks. According to Baby Center...
Going on with Spawnie:
-Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from Spawnie's hands and feet
-Eyelids practically cover Spawnie's eyes
-Breathing tubes extend from the throat to the branches of developing lungs
-In Spawnie's brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways.
-Organs like the gallbladder are developing this next week.
-Spawnie is about the size of a green olive or kidney bean... Depending which site I'm reading.
Going on with mommy:
-My bra is much more snug. Not just where the ladies are, but around my ribcage. Apparently I could go up a cup size or two... Wow!
-Fatigue is taking over my life. It's because of a rise in progesterone.
-More nausea
-Getting up at night to pee.
-My pants are getting tighter. I had to unbutton my size 3 jeans and wear a long shirt over it half way through the day. My size 6 fit ok now. I hear it's bloating from progesterone. Thinking of getting a BellaBand.
Here's another picture! I think I look bigger than last week, but it could be the bloating. My friend @GracieKate on Twitter said her bloat bump was bigger than her 20 week bump so we'll see if it goes down!

I'm fairly small to begin with, plus I'm excited for a baby bump, so I sorta notice every bulge. Ok.. Wait, I just finished uploading the picture, I'm definitely bigger. Call it bloat, call it fat, but I prefer baby bump... Even if my baby is only the size of a green olive.

Word from a sponsor: To learn more about being 8 Weeks Pregnant visit Pregnancy Corner.

Nursery Shopping

Ok ok, so I know it's early AND I don't even know the gender of my baby yet, but it's not too early to dream and think up ideas right?

I posted awhile back about nursery colors and designs I like and I can't help but think more about it now. The sad thing is, I have NO decoration sense and trying to find things that match, and coordinate and look cute all at the same time is nearly impossible for me.

I'd love to find a unique style to make the room but it's not easy with my lack of decoration skills.

My poor husband seems to think we're going to decorate the room with Jazz jerseys and BYU helmets... Sorry, even if it is a boy that's not happening. I'll reserve a Man Cave for hubby at our next place.

I'm not sure if hubby would go for this, but I've dabbled with the idea of getting help... Oh yea, I mean professional help. Prices for designers are out of this world though and since I'm not making movie star money, I'm not getting a movie star designer.

I have a few friends who stage and decorate homes so I'm secretly hoping they'll give me a tip or two and help me out. I also think I'll flip through magazines and come up with a copy-cat design seeing what colors and shapes I like then try to mimic it in our nursery.

Here's what I have to start with... A queen bed (we'll leave in there cause it's sooooo comfortable) and a crib. Luckily the woods on both match, so I know I want to get a dresser and/or shelf space that has the same espresso-colored wood. I also don't really want to paint the room because we'll have to paint it back before we move out of this town home. I'm thinking about some vinyl options or something fun like that. Ideas? This is the crib I got! The won I won was discontinued at Sears so we got to pick another and I chose this one! It's by Delta and it changes into a toddler bed, day bed, and full size bed!Also, if you're looking for something that's in between hiring a designer to come to your home to decorate ant pay thousands of dollars, and just making it up yourself... Check out iBaby Interiors. Look at some of the cute designs she created!iBabyInteriors is a company by Julissa, who you can tell what your budget is, and what style you're looking for and she'll take it from there! The complete design services are mailed to your home in an iBaby Planner which contains everything you need to get your room ready for baby (or a playroom or bedroom). She's having a giveaway for a complete design on her blog right now! It's a $425 design for free! All you have to do is follow her blog and comment to enter! There's only been a handful of entries so far! I entered, and you should too!
She's also offered to give one of my readers an iBaby Color Consultation. So if you follow my blog and her blog, just leave a comment and you'll be entered to win! I'd prefer if you left a comment with a decoraing tip! I need all of the advice I can get!

Giveaway ends the 20th at 11:59pm CST!

Watch Me!!

I wanted to write this earlier today but I got so busy and TIRED! Just wanted to let you know my first MomTV show will be on LIVE Tuesday morning at 10:30am EST! That's 9:30am CST 8:30am MST and 7:30am PST (for those of you like me who always get it backwards!)

I'm going to be talking to Joanne, one of the owners of Circle+Bloom, updating you on my pregnancy, and just blabbing about my thoughts on becoming a mother... I also am planning to give away a nice little fertility product to help my baby makin' friends!

I hope you'll tune in! I should be on for a half hour, and you can chat in the screen below me, ask me questions and things and tell me more about yourself!

So please please join in! I'd hate to be on there talking to myself!

Here's the link! See you in the morning!

Pregnancy at 7 Weeks

I'm not sure why, but for some reason when I pictured becoming pregnant I pictured life as I knew it standing still, and the small being growing inside me consuming my every moment of thought and existence.

Instead, life goes on... As I know it. I still have the stress of work, bills, and everyday life, along with the additional very time consuming process of growing a baby.

It happened almost immediately. It was the only thing on my mind, the only thing I really wanted to talk about, think about, and focus on, but the unknowing minds have no idea about my... Circumstance. They may not get why I'm staring at the door as if there's a ghost in the threshold. Ticking in my mind is the internal debates: If I should try to stick it out in the crowded meeting room while my head spins from the heat and lightheadedness, or swiftly escape, and run to the bathroom before the saliva running down the sides of my mouth quickly transitions into vomit projecting the other direction.

Hours later I'm scoping out counter space in the back dark room. It's not a pillow, but it'll suffice as a spot for my head to lie for a few glorious moments of rest.

I've been very tired and very nauseous. I haven't puked yet, but I haven't felt up to blogging as much the past few days. But I'm back now... I think... I hope. Oh, and Tuesday is my first LIVE MomTV show at 10:30am EST... Let's pray I still won't be vomiting then! More on that later.

Friday I hit 7 weeks of pregnancy, and I hope every Friday to update what's going on with me according to the Baby Center email I get, and what I read in my weekly update of my iPhone ap "What to Expect." I got this idea from my friend Baby Dicky's blog, so I hope mine will be as fun to read. She's almost done (at 33 weeks!) and I can't wait to catch up!

I was too tired last Friday to write this out, so I'm catching up today!

So according to Baby Center:

How Spawnie's growing:
-Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles.
-Technically, my baby is still considered an embryo (although it's a baby to me) and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of Spawnie's tailbone.
-Spawnie has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, or about the size of a blueberry. My iPhone ap says it's more about the size of a raspberry... Of course I'd prefer the larger fruit, but as my friends on Twitter tell me "It doesn't matter, in 6 more months it'll be the size of a watermelon and kicking my ribs."
-Eyelid folds partially covering Spawnie's peepers, which already have some color
-Tip of Spawnie's nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin are also developing.
-Both hemispheres of Spawnie's brain are growing,
-And Spawnie's liver is churning out red blood cells until bone marrow forms and takes over this role.
-My baby also has an appendix and a pancreas now!
-A loop in my baby's growing intestines is bulging into Spawnie's umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from baby's tiny body.
As far as me:
-My uterus has doubled in size in the past five weeks.
-Morning sickness should be kicking in... oh wait, it already has. I'm not throwing up, thank goodness. But I feel on the verge of puking almost constantly.
-I may need to pee more than usual... Yep! Guilty. This is because of my increasing blood volume and the extra fluid being processed through my kidneys. I NEVER use to have to go pee often and now I wake up EVERY NIGHT. It's quite annoying, and I hear it'll only get worse!
-By now, I already have about 10 percent more blood than I did before I was pregnant. And by the end of my pregnancy, I'll have 40 to 45 percent more blood running through my veins.

And I know it's silly for me to take a belly picture already but I figure it's at least a starting point, so don't laugh.

How often did you take belly pictures?

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Word from a sponsor: To learn more about being 7 Weeks Pregnant visit Pregnancy Corner.

Circle+Bloom winner:

Emily said... 23

I became a fan of Circle + Bloom on Facebook.

October 30, 2009 9:46 AM

Congrats Emily! Email babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com so I can get you in touch with Circle+Bloom. Thank you Circle+Bloom for providing a fun, and educational giveaway!

Being Pregnant and Thoughts on Delivery

I decided to take a little bit of a break from the flashback posts. Some are fun but some I've decided to just save for my journal! No sense looking back now.. Only forward right?

So, what everyone's asking... How I'm FEELING.

I'm feeling good. ALWAYS tired, and almost always nauseous. I haven't thrown up... Sometimes I wish I would, but I'm told that doesn't relieve any nausea, so I guess I'll take what I've got. Let me stress how tired I am... So tired I'm not going to proof-read this post. So please excuse any typos.

I have crazy cravings already. Cravings for Ramen, Mac and Cheese (we're happy the baby is a cheap eater) then brownies, carrots, peaches and jalapeno poppers. Not all at the same time.. But many of them, yes. Did I mention I have the best husband? He makes me/ goes to get me whatever I want. He even brings me grapes in the morning when I'm too nauseous to get up! Ok, I'll stop bragging about him now (by the way today is his birthday!).

So lately... I've been more obsessed than ever with watching baby shows. It's all I have set on my DVR. I know my poor husband is sad it's taking up sports time, but it's quite entertaining for me.

I must admit, they are NOT as fun to watch now that I'm pregnant. I mean, they kind of are, cause they've always been intriguing to me, but it's not as fun thinking about getting this baby out one day... When it's like 10,000Xs bigger.

As far as progress, I found a doctor I LOVE and a hospital I want to deliver at. I checked out a couple of hospitals and a birth center. I chose the hospital I did because of all of the reviews I've read, because I liked the feel of it, because of my doctor and some friends.

I also have a close friend who recently had a baby at another hospital I was considering and she was not impressed at all.

As far as the birth center... I'd have to come out of pocket a lot for it. I wasn't totally sold on it from the beginning, and from the start I thought I'd feel more comfortable in a hospital, so the money was an additional minus for me. Maybe next time... But this time I'm excited to have an OB I love... At a hospital I liked and possibly hire a doula to help along the way.

My OB was referred to me by my family doctor who I love. He gave me her name and one other. I did research on them as well as a few others I was considering, and a couple of midwife groups and I ended up choosing an OB I thought would be perfect for me. When I went to her practice for the first time I felt at home. She and her staff made no only me, but my husband feel comfortable, and she took the time to talk to us, and joke with us... I can't stress enough how much I love her and how excited I am to have her.

I later found out she delivered the baby of a friend I work with... She wasn't her OB but was the on call doctor the day she delivered and my friend told me she liked her more than her own doctor!

One thing that DEFINITELY tells me I'm pregnant is the CONSTANT outpouring of advice!! To my TTC friends here's a fact.. And to my preggo friends and moms... You know this is the truth... People LOVE to tell pregnant people advice. Whether it's some secret remedy for morning sickness, what books to read, how to deliver your baby, what to wear, EVERYONE has something to say.

Luckily for me, I don't mind. I like advice, the more the merrier... But I remember to take it all with a grain of salt, and so far... It's not getting annoying.

I was tweeting about watching a Baby Story which of course took us to the topic of labor. I don't know what it is but it seems like most of my followers are natural birthers/ home birthers etc. I think that's awesome because I get to hear from a side you don't often get to hear from, but the constant pounding about natural labor is making me nervous.

I'm TOTALLY open to things like birthing balls, hypnobirthing, and trying things the natural way but I am NOT against getting an epidural either. I don't see anything wrong with either.

I've had so many friends go into labor with an idea of how they'd do it but things changed. I know people who wanted an epidural right away but were too far along to get one, then ended up doing it naturally. I've known people who wanted no medication, and to try hypnobirthing and dancing through labor but ended up needing an emergency c-section while unconscious.

To be honest I'm not one to stress over how I'm getting my baby out. I just want to get it out when the time is right, and safely. I don't think an epidural is going to hurt my baby any more than delivering it at home unassisted... And I don't care which way others decide to go. I just know that I want to do what's comfortable and right for me. I actually don't get all of the hype/ obsession over Hospitals= Evil or Home births= Reckless.

Since when did people care so much about what other people do? As long as you're not pushing me into one or the other I'm not going to tell you my opinion on your birthing decisions. One solution isn't going to work for everyone. We all have different conditions and different things that make us feel more comfortable.

I feel so bad when women tell me they regret getting an epidural, or regret not going natural the whole way. I don't know why that is exactly but I hope I don't have regrets. My friend who ended up being put out for labor after dreams of a natural birth... Does she have regrets? No! She's happy to have her healthy little girl.

I think it's safe to say I've done my fair share of research. And I'll continue to do it as I go along. But don't hate me if I get drugs ok? We've all gotta do what works for us, and I'd hate to have my good moment ruined my people telling me I drugged my baby.

I hope if I don't put that pressure on myself to have a "perfect labor" I'll just be happy to have my baby in my arms once and for all... Regardless of how it gets its big self out of my womb. Sure, I won't go in begging for an epidural... (Or maybe I will). Either way, I just need to get from point A to point B. (A being enormously pregnant and B being a mom with a healthy new baby in my arms.)

Isn't that what's most important?

That being said, I LOVE reading labor stories! I hear all of the stuff on A Baby Story is overly dramatic... If that's the case, show me what you've got! Write a post about your labor story, or link up to one you've already posted! I've read some crazy ones already... From emergency operations to delivering at home on the stairs! Bring it!

PS: YES... I've seen "The Business of Being Born" I think I'll get that question as much as the question I got when TTC "Have you read 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility'?"

Telling Our Families

There's no question telling people has been one of the most exciting parts of this whole process right now. Especially family, because they're so happy for us... And close friends... And you of course! I wrote down the experience of telling our families the day after we broke the news so I'd remember.

5 Weeks 3 Days written October 26th and saved for today.

We told our parents last night. I'm SOOOO much more excited now, it feels real, and I'm feeling more confidant about it all! I do worry a little still about having to share bad news. Believe it or not I feel like it would be easier to share with you than with family just because I know so many strangers out there know what it feels like... And I wouldn't feel like I was letting you down. I worry about letting family down. It seems easier to express my feeling with people I don't know sometimes.

Anyway, I'm sending those negative thoughts away and bringing positive ones in!

It was so fun hearing the excitement in our parents' voices! In no particular order of reenactment:

I called my mom and was passed around to a few of my siblings before talking to her, then when she took the phone I said "Hi grandma!"

"Grandma?"She said. "Why are you calling me that?"
"Cause I'm 5 weeks pregnant!"
"5 weeks?! Why are you just now telling me?"

I'm glad we didn't wait until Christmas... I wouldn't have been able to do it... I'm not secretive, I'm not private, I want to talk about it and get excited!

My dad kept saying "Wow, that's all right, that's all right..." But picture that in a happy grandpa-sounding tone. And he told me how proud he is of me, and how happy he is to see how things have turned out for me. It made me feel so good!

It was so fun telling my husband's parents. We knew Sunday night the family would be spending the night together watching their current favorite television series. It's a tradition started a few years ago when 24 first came out. I'm not sure what they're watching now, and I knew we'd be interrupting but I also knew it would be worth it.

My husband thought of a clever way to tell his mom while she was on the phone and she yelled the news back to the rest of the family... I heard the applause.

A few key phrases stick out from that conversation:
"It's about time"

"She's in labor RIGHT NOW!"

"Your prize is going to be one spoiled grandchild"... Followed by a loud response from my SIL "NOOO!"

And one of my favorites: "She's probably updating her blog as we speak."

Yea, you'd think so, but look how long I kept this in! I told family first... And I'm proud of myself for that.

How did you tell your family?

I Did Something for My Baby

Did you miss my pregnancy announcement? I'm now going back to the drafts I saved from before I told you.

5 Days past BFP Written 10/20 but saved for today

In order to make things feel more "real" I bought something for the little Spawn. Oh yea, did I mention that's its nickname? I know people have cute names like "sweet pea" "blueberry" I dunno... There's a lot. But one of the first things that came to mind after finding out I was pregnant was "I'm with-spawn."

I know it's kind of alienish, but it's also different, and my little nudge is gonna be different... In a good way of course!

So far I'm the only person who likes it but whatever... I can call it what I want and for now, it's Spawnie! And I think it's cute.

Ok anyway, I went to Babies R' Us today to buy something for my best friend, who is having her baby shower soon, and I bought the CUTEST stuff for her little boy. I also really wanted to buy something for my baby to make this pregnancy feel more real.

I browsed the onesies and couldn't find anything gender-neutral and cute enough. Just when I was giving up (because my impatient husband was ready to go) I saw the cutest thing that I KNOW my baby will look cute in. Boy or girl!A cute little hat with ears and booties to match. I know Spawnie is due in June 25th but the hat is for 0-6 months, and they can wear hats in the summertime right? If not, by 6 months it'll be perfect for winter! And to be TOTALLY honest... This is the FIRST thing I've EVER bought for my baby! Yep... I promised myself I wouldn't buy anything for a baby I wasn't pregnant with first. But now... I can shop 'till my heart's content (or until I give my husband a heart attack)!

I think I've found a way to cure my fears about something bad happening during pregnancy... Shopping!!

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Blog makeover winner according to Random.org: Winner #40 ~Mendie~ . Please email babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com so I can get you in touch with Danielle!

Thoughts from 2 days past BFPs

Did you miss my pregnancy announcement? I'm now going back to the drafts I saved from before I told you.

Written October 17th but saved for today.

About a week ago... Several days before I knew I was pregnant (I was thinking I wasn't) I wrote this in my journal:

"I believe there a reason for everything, but I'm still quite confused about one thing.

When I was on birth control I wanted to wait until I was emotionally, physically, and for the most part, financially ready to have a child. I was almost fearing it would happen right away because I was a little unsure if I felt completely READY. In the mean time though I felt a good feeling deep within that this was the right thing for me to do right now. I felt good about it, felt that even if I wasn't 100% sure I was ready, everything would fall into place.

In the mean time, through all of my preparations I fell in love with the idea of having a child... And I felt at peace... Even a prompting to move forward.

So now my question is, 'If not now, when?' and if then... Why start trying now? Why did I get the feeling that the time was now if it's not now?

I wish I just knew when I was really suppose to become a mom so I could save myself some grief. ... Or maybe my grief is all a part of the plan, I don't know."

A couple of weeks later, and two days after my BFP I'm thinking "Wow." That's one word to describe the million and one emotions running through my body.

It's all a part of the plan right? I wouldn't have tried to raised $1000 for a charity had I not been so upset after the first month, maybe that was part of it? I'm sure it's 1. To show me I'm not in control, and 2. Maybe to help someone else in the process?

I don't know all of the answers, and I'm afraid to guess because who knows what's around the NEXT corner.

... And Then I Cried

I told you I kept a journal from the day I got my BFP, here's a scary experience I wrote about the day after my good news.

Written 10/17 but saved for today

Last night, after finding out I was pregnant I went to the bathroom (Again! I was going a lot that day). When I examined the toilet paper I noticed some brown spotting. 'Implantation bleeding' I thought to myself. I asked one of my friends on Twitter about it and she said that could be it... Or it could be my body "trying to start."

Shoot. I was still a day away from my period starting. What if my body was going to reject this forming baby?

And with that... I lost it.

I tried to hide my fears and sadness but I couldn't. I'm not a good actor, and the love of my life can always tell when I'm upset.

Tears kept streaming down my face, and the conversations that took place after that moment made me realize this was something we both wanted more than we knew.

That night I made a promise to God.