What would it be like had I not had my her when I did? Would I be in grad school? Working another job? Creating a better nest egg for my future children? Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm worthy enough to be her mom. Like it was selfish of me to leap so soon.
On the other hand, I don't even hear the pitter patter of my first child's feet along our floors, and sometimes I find myself already longing for more.
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The downside of this joy is timing. When you plan to have a child, you don't know when you'll be blessed with one. Right away? Years away? Months away? I had a feeling it would take a very long time but I was wrong. And now I feel like I've started a domino effect. Having one child starts a sequence of events if you want your children close together.
When are you having another?
When is it normal to ask that question? I know my sincere response "whenever" is anything but normal for most people with infants, but I don't know how to answer.
I didn't wait until everything was perfect and in line with the first but shouldn't I at least do that with the second?
It's as though my blog has come full circle with debating the when and how to operating the baby making machine switch. But I plan to do something different this time around.--Not plan.
I enjoyed our pre-parent time as much as I could but so much of the last bit of it was spent asking myself over and over and over when we'd begin the next part of our journey. I was looking towards the future and the present was passing me by. I won't do that to my daughter.
My maternity leave was the only time in my life I'd have with one child. One newborn to glue my butt on the couch with and pig out while watching TLC. That experience passed by in the blink of an eye and now I miss it.
I won't look back on these days and regret wondering about a number two. I'm going to spoil my daughter with light and love like no other. Because this is her time to shine, to have my full love and attention. Her time to be my one and only.
Before I know it today will be last year, and so I'm focusing on the present.
Well written girl.
ReplyDeleteI’ve written somewhere that I don't want to let the present go by without being a bee. Suck in the precious honey-like moments that you have with Lil J, I did just that with my hubby at the end of February - going to Italy and Istria was the most beautiful and relaxing moment since our journey to Canada and TTC began :). Can you imagine we started TTC and preparing for Canada around the same time last year, wow how strange... God is great :)!
I agree with you, for next time let it be in the hands of chance. That's what I am going to do ;).
Timing is an interesting subject. We thought we had planned it all out and wanted to start trying in 2010. Give us time to buy and move into our new home. Get settled and see what would come. My son was unexpectedly conceived two months before we closed on the condo. LOL So, we're trying this planning thing again. We would prefer that he be at least two before the next one comes around but who knows.
ReplyDeleteI Love, Love, Love it! Well written, I know so many times I question about if we would have waited a little longer would our youngest have gone through all the things she did. That if we had waited just a month would that have made the difference to us having another child instead of ending after almost losing her. And the more I think about it the more stressed out I get and so I just stopped and said, "This was for a reason, it was and I am so thankful that we have been blessed with her tiny presence in our lives for almost 4 years. We are lucky that she gets to be in our lives not the other way around and I think for every trial we go through it will make us (as parents) stronger and build her up with a stronger self-esteem and confidence because she has been through so much at such a young age... I love reading your blogs the timing is always just right and so true :-) Thanks
ReplyDeleteoooh LOVE the new layout. We're planning on trying again after our little guy turns 2... three years apart is good enough for us (mostly for me to recover and forget about how much I hate pregnancy/labor) since we only plan on 3 or 4. but I definately think timing is such a personal thing... but you are the babymaking machine, so you should be the expert at figuring it out :) hard to believe our kiddos are almost a year old!!
ReplyDeleteSo true! Enjoy now because they sure grow so fast and at an early age they already try to to let go of you and be pretty independent :( The thing about timing is that it doesn't matter what anybody says, only you and Heavenly Father have all the control over it ;)
ReplyDeleteHave a great day!
thank you for this post - I needed to read it today.
ReplyDeleteOh, I needed this post today..a few of my friends who had their first baby the same time I had my son are now pregnant with their second..& honestly, since he was three months I've felt 'ready' for number two! I may actually already be pregnant (a week will tell) & the last few days I've been a little overly anxious hoping I am. Then I had the same realizations u did. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy my sweet little boy being my only child. Enjoy having my body back to where I want it. Thanks for this post :)
ReplyDeletebtw, your daughter is gorgeous! I love your new header!
ReplyDeleteWow! What a great post! I totally agree with it! I have one daughter as well and she is 2. I love children and I do think about having more but, I enjoy having my one little girl and spoiling her.
ReplyDeleteI am at a place right now where if I get pregnant now, great but, if not that's okay too.
I don't worry about spacing them out or if she'll have a playmate. Right now, she wants to play with me the most and I'm sure everything will fall into place.
I'm just glad to have my daughter.
Time does fly by so fast and if you're busy planning out everything in life then you truly do miss out on the really great and wonderful moments. My hubby and I didn't plan for our second one. It just kind of happened. And although we're not in the most perfect place I'm glad that I have been able to enjoy every moment with Moo and make her my only focus for two years.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that my mind wasn't distracted with planning for baby number two and still isn't. Children are predictable and no matter how much planning we do nobody can ever be fully prepared for the journey that lies ahead.
And that is an awesome way to live!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love your thoughts on if you had your daughter too soon. I am constantly thinking about when my husband and I should have a child, therefore, (like you said) what reason would there be to wait? I just love the way you said it. I look forward to my future too much to regret the "timing". :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this post. Thanks for sharing it. It gives me a lot to think about as hubby and I are "planning" our first child. Anyway, I like the new look and that pic of lil J on the header is adorable.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Enjoy EVERY second. My oldest will graduate high school next year...talk about blink of an eye. I loved my time with her when it was just she and me. It really does fly by.
ReplyDeleteLove the photo with the leg warmers and those chunky little baby legs. So sweet!
I had the same feeling after my son was born! I was thinking, "Wow! That was awesome! I can't WAIT to do it again!" I think my desire for a second baby was almost stronger than for the 1st. Now, I know how wonderful it is! God has blessed us with a baby #2 who will be coming in October and I can't wait to meet him or her. I'm going to savor every second with my son, though, his last time as an only child. It will be great though!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post!
ReplyDeleteI'm currently expecting my first child (a little unplanned....well, we were not trying, but not preventing either;) ) and this post has really made me understand how important it is for me to savour every moment of this pregnancy.
We may or may not have more kids down the road, but right now, I'm realizing that I should slow down and appreciate my first pregnancy even more :)
Very well written and right up my alley. I try to live in the moment day-after-day, but I justify my planning by saying being a single parent requires it. I know all too well that everything doesn't always go as planned. :) I'm still learning this living in the moment thing. Love the photo!
ReplyDeleteWe were married for three years before our first, I think that was a good amount of time for us though I'm not sure how much it really matters, lol. I do feel like my daughter came at the perfect time. :) The pregnancy and labor was so hard I told my husband after she was born, "Let's never do this again!". haha But by the time Emma was 2 I was ready for another both because I knew I wanted two kids and because I knew she needed a sibling (I was tired of being the main playmate, haha). I found out I was pregnant again the month she turned two and now he's 7 weeks. I'm loving it. :) Being a mom of two is TIRING but fun. (Oh and it's a little boy - girl and boy! Do you know what you want?)
ReplyDeleteEverything thing happens for a reason, there is a Plan for all of us. My first child is 10 years old with my toddler now 2 years. That's a 8 year difference, talk about starting over...but I am so BLESSED! Stop playing the what if game and just enjoy the splendor of mommyhood as it is right now!!
ReplyDelete;-)
This question never goes away! I have two boys(4 and 20 months) and we want a girl and I can't decide when we would try for a girl.Now they want to know when we are going to have another, girl in particular as if we have control over that of course!
ReplyDeleteand this is why we're friends! i love and adore your insights jen!
ReplyDeletebask in the moment ma! that little girl is beaming , radiating nothing but LOVE ;)
I put off having a child for a long time. I wanted to finish school and start a career first. Unfortunately, things didn't work out like I'd planned in the career department and time kept marching on. Eventually we just decided to go for it. Now that I have my daughter I wish we'd started earlier. I look at her cousin and wish they were closer in age. I also want at least three children so now I feel like I have to pump them out faster. Women may be having children much later in life these days, but I feel more comfortable having them while I'm still "young."
ReplyDeleteThat said, I think we tend to ruminate over decisions like this too much. There are no guarantees in life, and conception is certainly difficult to "plan."
Time does fly by so fast and if you're busy planning out everything in life then you truly do miss out on the really great and wonderful moments. My hubby and I didn't plan for our second one. It just kind of happened. And although we're not in the most perfect place I'm glad that I have been able to enjoy every moment with Moo and make her my only focus for two years.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that my mind wasn't distracted with planning for baby number two and still isn't. Children are predictable and no matter how much planning we do nobody can ever be fully prepared for the journey that lies ahead.
btw, your daughter is gorgeous! I love your new header!
ReplyDelete